mainsqueeze's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Long Line of Heart-Ache You know, I'd like to take this chance to advise you all to avoid me like the motherfucking plague. I'm such a jerk. I saw Josh tonight. Our date earlier this week (last entry, in fact) went really, really well. I was actually starting to really like him. Until about two hours ago. I don't know why I keep doing this. I finally meet a decent guy, one that thinks I'm pretty and interesting, and as soon as I start to like him back, my subconscious immediately kicks in and decides that he isn't worthy, after all. I did it with Mike. And now with Josh. And dozens of men before them. Myabe it's insecurity. Maybe it's because I still have feelings for Matt. Or because I'm still confused about my sexuality. Or because I enjoy the fucking challenge. I wish I knew the answer. I don't like forcing myself to be lonely. 11:04 p.m. - 2002-09-20 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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