mainsqueeze's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Been Thinkin' A Lot Today I came home today, looked at my new, blue walls, and I felt okay. The radio- sometimes it turns on by itself- was on, playing a Ben Folds live cd. Crystal's cd, actually. It was at the very beginning on "Brick," and I came in here and turned on my computer and I listened to the beeps and whirrs, and I listened to Ben Folds singing. And yeah, I felt okay. And then "Zak and Sara" came on, and I shoved my desk chair out and I spun around in circles and sang along at the top of my lungs. It's a great song, one of the best ever. This is it: Sara spelled without an 'h' was getting bored On a Peavey amp in 1984 While Zak without a 'c' tried out some new guitars Playing Sara-with-no-h's favorite song Zak and Sara Often Sara would have spells where she lost time She saw the future, she heard voices from inside The kind of voices she would soon learn to deny Because at home they got her smacked Zak and Sara Zak and Sara Zak called his dad about layaway plans And Sara told the friendly salesman that: "You'll all die in your cars, And why's it gotta be dark? And you're all working in a submarine" (Asshole) She saw the lights, she saw the pale English face Some strange machines repeating beats and thumping bass Visions of pills that put you in a loving trance and make it possible for all white boys to dance And when Zak finished Sara's song, Sara clapped Zak and Sara Zak and Sara I can't really explain why I like that song so much, not really. Maybe it's because I've always thought that I'm only barely sane- And this song is about a crazy, manic girl forging a connection with somebody. (Foti says that he thinks that Zak and Sara already know each other; I like to imagine that that night at the club-"She saw the lights, she saw a pale English face/ Some strange machines repeating beats and thumping bass"- is the first time they ever see each other, maybe even the only time they see each other. They've never met, but they're somehow very important to one another. He saves her, and she inspires him, maybe.) I don't know, but it's so good. I spoke with Matt last night, told him about the way I've been feeling. It was nice, talking to him, like old times. I forget, sometimes, why he means so much to me- He says stupid, stupid things (he beats me on that one, even) and he can be obnoxious and insensitive, but you know what? He gets it. He just gets it. And it's really nice to have somebody who just understands in your life. He told me that he and Crystal had a talk about me, and that he said that he'd never do anything to hurt me ever again. He said that to her, and she got up and left. I said, "Matt, I don't want to hear that I mean more. It doesn't matter. What matters is that it's still important to Crystal." I gotta fix this, somehow. I've got to find a way to fix it all. 4:07 p.m. - 2003-06-11 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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