mainsqueeze's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- lukewarm again Jonah is playing the Huntridge tonight. Last time I saw him was May of 2002- Matt picked me up, and we went together. That was before our huge, disastrous sexual encounter, before Crystal and I became so close, before I got fired from Mugshots, before Keegan was born, before Crystal's abortion, before Zach and I drifted so far apart. I'm looking forward to seeing Jonah again. I think I'm going to let LaVerne live with my Mother from now on. I've been working a lot more, and school is starting soon- I don't want her to be alone all day. Man, I love that little dog- Crystal got mad at me once because LaVerne ranked second on my list of favorite people, just below Lise, and she and Matt were tied for third. At my Mom's, LaVerne has two other dogs to play with, and a yard, and there is always somebody at home with her. I can visit. Sigh. Good thing Dr Frank doesn't give a leap whether or not I stay at home with him. Give him something to shred to pieces with his claws, and he's perfectly fine. Last night, I did the post-sex nervous breakdown thing. That was fun, sitting in the dark wearing a mushy cry-baby face, staring at Jeromy's silhouette, eyes teary. He asked what was wrong, and I couldn't quite figure out how to tell him that I was just thinking about how good everything is now, and how horrible I'm sure it will eventually become. I was wondering how I'd manage to mess this one up. That's what I do, when a relationship starts becoming too important to me- I fuck it up. And it ends, and I minimize the way I felt and the way I treated the personI was with, and then I heal, and I'm alone again for awhile, and then I do it again. I like this boy a lot. I like the person I am when I'm with him. I like that when he sleeps next to me, I don't have the nightmares that visit me almost every night. I like his strong profile, and his bony knees, and the hair on his stomach. He's my guy, my big, hairy, prematurely balding guy, and I don't want to lose him anytime soon. 3:58 p.m. - 2003-07-26 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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