mainsqueeze's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Wilderness I had a long entry typed out. It was genius. My spider strand has broken and I am floating up and up and more up and more up and the air is thin and I cannot get enough oxygen and I am fading away slowly and softly and I am not going to come back to the earth ever again. I miss God. I said that in the vanished entry, that I miss God and want him to come back to me. I said that I am a zombie today and my arms are sore and I do not know why. I told her, Nicole, that I cry every day at least once for her and I miss her and she is a bitch and God, I love her and would give everything I have in the world and ever will have in the future to go back and save her. I am afraid sometimes that I will turn on a light in a dark room and I will see her hanging there, face black and eyes accusing, hating me, because I did not treat her as well as I should have. I didn't love her enough. I am not a good enough person. Too selfish. I am jealous of the faithful. How nice would it be to just believe? The ground feels imaginary and the chair and these keys under my fingers but I am listening to music on my earphones and the music feels very, very real. I wish I could run my hands up and down the silky words. Dear diaryland, please don't delete this entry, too. 4:21 p.m. - 2005-12-21 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||