mainsqueeze's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- the whole place is dark Yesterday, Professor Wax-- the one who makes me nervous with his cute smile and his nerdy jokes-- said that by age twenty or so, our personalities were essentially finished changing. So I'm gonna be this forever? I like myself, mostly, but I hate that in all I do, I have to find some greater meaning. I can't live for the sake of living; I have to live because something great is going to happen and this all means so much more than it seems to. No action is just an action, with me-- I make everything symbolic and representative of something much BIGGER and BETTER. I read into everything. I have to have a specific purpose to be happy, and if I don't have one, I invent one for myself. If I have no clearly defined goal or job, I start to feel like a tiny speck of sand falling down a dark and endless chasm. I was MEANING, damnit! So does that mean that I am set in stone? I am going to always be searching for meaning where there is none? 3:37 p.m. - 2006-10-05 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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