mainsqueeze's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - Oh, so, so very much bouncing around in my head these days. And that is a GOOD thing, compared to six months ago when the only thing in there was how to fix my utterly defective and borderline abusive bipolar boyfriend. Today in particular has been a reflective day-- I learned that I do not have cancer. I didn't mention it in here, because really, what could I say? Basically, I had some symptoms of a rare form of breast cancer. I discovered them months ago but didn't think anything of them until they suddenly exploded into "what the hell is my body DOING?" I have spent the past month wondering, sweating, and mostly, especially, regretting. You want to become a motivated, outgoing, day-seizer? Become acutely aware of your mortality overnight, the fact that every single day that ticks by is one less that you will have to do all of the things you have been putting off indefinitely. I went to dim sum with Trang last night and she shared a few insights that I guess are a lot easier to see from the outside looking in. I don't think I have told you guys about Trang so far but she has quickly become one of my favorite people, direct and tough and filthy and funny, with a heart made out of maybe those expensive white truffles or something equally expensive but not as trite as gold. The point is, she is a walking reality-check. The word of Trang, custom-made for this guy: Toughen up. Know how wonderful you are. Stop caring about those tiny little things that bring you down, stop obsessing over WINNING and just BE. In three months, I will be 27. The age my Mother was when she had me, the age Nikki was when she hanged herself, 3x3x3. And 27 is going to be magical. 3:07 p.m. - 2010-01-27 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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