mainsqueeze's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Get Off My Set Its been a few days since my last update, and even then, I didnt actually write a real entry. I just havent really had a lot to say lately. Wait, strike that. I have a lot of things to say, I just dont know if my poor writing skills can do them justice. Sigh, sigh. A friend of mine is going through an incredibly rough time right now. Her husband just died yesterday, and she has been hysterical ever since. He was diabetic, and she took care of him when he was sick, watched his eating habits, and clucked and fussed over him non-stop. Now hes gone, and she is blaming herself. I went over to her house last night at about 3am. I didnt think she should be alone. She was drunk, and incoherent due to the combination of alcohol and her grief. It was so emotionally draining to hear her express such feelings of guilt and pain and anger. I could only stay for a few hours. She needs professional help, and unless her friends (myself included) get that help for her, shell be content to drink herself to death just like her husband did. Zach is asleep on my bed right now. Its hurting me to look at him. I suppose I have been fairly happy with my life lately, with a few rough patches here and there, but it dawned on me this week that Zach doesnt seem very happy at all. He moved away from all of his friends to be in Vegas, and I think he is starting to miss them a lot more than he used to. His friends here arent as true as the ones he had before. I try really hard to be a good friend to him, but I dont think that the kind of friendship I have to offer is the kind that he needs right now. I had another small epiphany earlier today: I wasnt a very good girlfriend. I didnt work very hard to keep the mystery in our relationship. I was more in to lying around at home than going out at having fun. I wasnt any good at compromising. I am almost tempted to try to remedy the problems and get back together with him, but I dont think it would be the best idea. Im never sure if my regrets are very late reactions to things Ive done wrong or simply a knee jerk response to lonliness. Everybody has 20/20 hindsight except for me. : )) Kiss, kiss. 3:20 a.m. - 2002-08-29 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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