mainsqueeze's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ready To Go Hey, remember the date I told you about? The one I was so terrified of? Well, it, um, it didnt exactly happen. I kind of sort of hid from my date. After Zach left for his karate class, I let myself in his apartment and spent the designated date time watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Mike (the date) kept calling and calling, and I didnt answer the phone once. I felt terrible, but relieved at the same time. So, fast forward a few hours. Zach comes home from kenpo and wants to grab a bite to eat with me. He met me at my apartment, and just as I was grabbing my keys, there was a knock at the door. Without thinking, I flung it open. It was Mike. Zach was sitting on my sofa, looking apprehensive, and I was standing stock still, also looking apprehensive. I guess Mike drew his own conclusions on that one. I called him later to apologize. I felt truly awful He said that he felt like a pawn, like I was using him to make an old boyfriend jealous. To make a long story short, I begged for forgiveness, and we are going out tomorrow night instead. I am going to try not to hide this time. This is a very familiar pattern with me; I find out that a guy that I like is interested in me, and all of a sudden, I see everything wrong with him. I notice that his left ear sticks out a fraction of a centimeter more than his right. Or that his socks dont match exactly. Or that he has a speck of dirt under the thumbnail on his right hand. I find every flaw that I possibly can, and I lose interest. And the poor guy doesnt know what the hell happened. To tell you the truth, Im not really attracted to any men at all any more. I dont know if its because Im scared, or if it all comes back to the sexuality question. Whichever it is, it is too too confusing and I dont like it very much at all. 1:43 a.m. - 2002-09-06 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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