mainsqueeze's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- hold back, cause you aint up to it The Promise Ring is playing tonight. If they decide to do "Happiness is All the Rage," I'll try to concentrate hard enough for you all to listen in via my brainwaves. I had a very strange dream about a diaryland friend last night. In the dream, I went to visit Molu for the weekend. I didn't get to spend much time with her, though, because she was busy having end to end abortions. Oh, and one of her brothers took me driving under the ocean. What is wrong with my brain? Don't be offended, Molu. I think the dream really has more to do with the events of last week more than anything else. Zach and I had an unfortunate accident- No, I'm not going to digust you with the details- And so now pregnancy is very near the top of my list of worries. This is the first time that I've ever had reason to be concerned. Am I ready to bring a child into the world? No. Not in the slightest. Come on, people- You read my diary. I am a child. I live in a tiny one-bedroom hovel. I have no job prospects. I don't even care that I have no job prospects. My future is looking pretty damned dim, and adding a child to the equation would only make me feel even more guilty for my many shortcomings. Because I'd be wrecking another life. I'd be dooming a poor, defenseless kid to a life of mediocrity. ...But here's the tough part: I don't know if I am strong enough to go through with an abortion, or even adoption. I support the right of every woman to choose what goes on inside of her body. I can't stand the vast majority of right-to-lifers- Rather, I can't stand the unyielding self righteousness that many of them posess. However, I also can't stand the thought of cheating the world, and myself out of what may be. And how could I carry a baby to term, and then simply hand him or her over to another person? So I'll keep you all updated. We'll see what happens. 2:04 p.m. - 2002-10-02 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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