mainsqueeze's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- weathered i was spinning free. i dont know what i want, Crystal, and it tears me apart. it really and truly does sometimes. fuck affection. fuck love. fuck devotion. i question myself every damned day. i dont trust me anymore. sins of the flesh end up leaving more discernable wounds, girl, and ive got roadmaps of scars. this makes six. figure out what i mean. i wish i wish i wish i could avoid feeling so fucking filthy. id probably feel that way even if i were clean. there are no names to name, except for the one big one, the unnameable name. i blame him for this; not because its his fault but because if he had decided to love me i wouldnt be here now and here and with the faceless faces that are my bedmates these days. i dont want to be alone, but i dont want to care. i dont want to love but i want to be loved. i dont want, crystal, anything but carnality and lust and soft angles, but i want to mean more than everyone else does. does this make sense? Im still a wee bit drunk. godblessvanillavodka. godblesssmiroff. godblessricocasek. godblessyou. i would be lost without you, even though youre almost as lost as i am. we can lead each other to god knows where, and we may lose our way, but well be together. im learning more and more that the fucking destination doesnt matter so much, anyhow; its the journey that i have to focus on. after i write this im going downstairs to sleep on zachs sofa. this place fosters evil feelings. too many memories. -science vs romance. Angela 12:15 a.m. - 2002-11-25 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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