mainsqueeze's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- i want a barrier Things are gloomy and grey here, sad and dreary and lonesome. I get like this, sometimes, when I start to cry and I ask myself, aloud, what's wrong, and then louder, and louder, and then I'm screaming at an empty room. This is a bad city for a person like me. Everything is bright and surreal. I walk into buildings and the lights go off around me, and I see the celing painted to look like an afternoon sky and I just close my eyes and hope that when I open them, everything will be normal. Sirens and bells and spotlights everywhere. It's too much. It's too artificial. It was Ash Wednesday yesterday. Mother asked me to mass, and I declined. Maybe religion is what I need, something reliable and sturdy and something so easy to believe. I saw a man and his teenaged son, smudged crosses on their foreheads, and I wanted for one minute, to have such an unshakeable faith in something. I want faith, in anything. I want a messiah. 11:12 p.m. - 2003-03-06 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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