mainsqueeze's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - Now- Now is when everything gets messy. Last night, in a fit of insanity/nostalgia/boredom/stupidity, I called Matt and asked him out for coffee. The second I finished dialing his number, I began berating myself for calling. He couldn't go, anyhow, which was probably for the best. What if he'd said yes? What condition would I be in right now, if I'd seen him again? This feels so taboo- The thought that I'm communicating with Matt. I feel unfaithful, worried about what Crystal will have to say about all of this. She and have managed to heal each other- All of the wounds Matt left me with are gone now. I'm alright again. Without Crystal, I'd still be the same scared, hopeless girl that I was for the first eighteen years of my life. I just don't want her to think that anything or anyone will ever, ever discredit the things she's helped me through, or my feelings for her. Matt wrote me an email, and he told me that he wants things to be like they were before. He wants me in his daughter's life. He's sorry for everything. Things will never, ever be like they were before- Those days of unfailing trust and devotion are gone, the blind adoration is done- but maybe something new can grow from these ashes. 10:04 a.m. - 2003-03-11 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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