mainsqueeze's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- things are getting better. It's three in the afternoon, and I'm just now drinking my coffee and smoking my first cigarette of the day. It's going to be a lazy, lazy week, friends. I work sixteen hours this week. That's all. I'm not worried, though- I've been broke all my life, and I can survive on $700 a month. When I lost my job last year, I managed to live off of unemployment- $140 a week. I live cheap, I guess. As long as I can afford to buy LaVerne and the Doctor food, I'll be okay. Crystal is coming over tonight to watch Gilmore Girls with me. It's something so tiny, and so simple, and I'm really looking forward to it. She and I have been getting along a lot better lately. We had a long talk a few weeks ago, about how I was jealous of Adam sometimes, and about the abortion, and how we both couldn't stop thinking about it. Thoughts and feelings about that day had been lingering and festering inside of us, and I guess we were both too scared to get them out in the open. Before that, before we talked about it, I spilled my guts to Justin- I told him about the drops of blood on the tile, and about her tears rolling down her cheeks onto my hands, and I started crying then, remembering it. Crystal, I think, just held it in. She had me, of course, but we were barely speaking. Adam wouldn't understand- He wasn't there, and he didn't see how much it hurt her to go through with it. She says things like, "I would be five months pregnant now, if..." and "I was pregnant, once," sometimes, but I thinks she's finally healing. She's getting better, and I'm getting better, and our friendship is deeper than it ever has been before. This is the stuff I'll look back on, someday. This is what I have, and what I'm building, and I know that when it's all over, I won't regret any of it. I am so, so rich. 3:05 p.m. - 2003-05-06 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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