mainsqueeze's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holding on to What He Loves Woke up this morning to the sound of somebody yodeling "hell-oooo" outside of my front door. I grabbed a pillow, held it in front of my flower-print bloomers, and went to investigate. It was Jeff, a kinda-sorta friend from work. After putting on a pair of blue jeans and pulling my disgusting, cow-licked hair into a pony-tail, I let him in. He promptly launched into a diatribe about a girl at work named Doreen. (I can't stand Doreen, by the way. She's one of those American-flag-decal in the front window kind of people.) I brewed us a pot of strong coffee, and I listened, and gave him my advice. Doreen, see, has no self-esteem. I think it's been a long, long time since somebody has really pursued her- Jeff really liked her, for some strange reason, and rather than being honest and content with that, she decided to play games with the poor guy. I hate people who do things like that, who aren't completely upfront with their feelings. I told him to forget about her. It ain't worth it, not for him, not for anyone. I made plans with my sister to take her swimming today. It's been a long time since I've actually GONE SWIMMING- I usually limit my non-bathing water activites to dipping my feet into the pool, due to Bathing Suit Anxiety. I decided this year, fuck that. Yeah, my chubby little legs are so white that they look blue, but so what? And yeah, I don't have a single taut muscle anywhere in my body, but I don't care so much anymore. I think a lot of women who have issues with their weight post-pone certain goals and activities based on their relationships with their bodies. (You know- "When I'm thin, I'll do such-and-such," or, "I'll do this once I lose some weight," and so on.) For a long time, I did that, too, but I'm done with it now. I'm probably never going to really like the way I look, but I'm not going to let that affect the way I live. I'm gonna take my baby sister swimming today, dammit, in my twenties-style two piece (it is by far the most modest swimsuit I have ever seen- a lycra tank top and matching mid-thigh shorts) and I'm going to have FUN. If anyone at the pool is offended by the tsunami-scale splashes from my belly-flops, they can take a flying leap, baby. I don't care. I think- I'm pretty sure- that this is going to be an all right summer. 2:13 p.m. - 2003-05-13 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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