mainsqueeze's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- i like you way too much I've got my music up loud, loud, loud. It's been that kind of day, the kind where all you want to do is put one song on repeat and turn it up as high as it will go and sing every single word every single time around. I start school in six days. Six. One hundred and forty four hours. I'd break it down into minutes, but I'm not feeling especially motivated today. Ahem: I AM STARTING SCHOOL IN SIX DAYS. PLEASE MAIL ME ANY SPARE TRANQUILIZERS THAT YOU HAVE LAYING AROUND THE HOUSE. What if I can't cut it, huh? What if I've forgotten everything I used to know, or- Jesus, this hadn't even occurred to me- what if I knew all the wrong stuff to begin with? I'm not ready for this! I haven't even bought my books yet! This is important to me, yeah, but underneath all of my hope and my phony-ass self-assuredness, I am terrified that I'll be going back to school only to find out that I'm really not as smart as everybody has been telling me for twenty years. I worry that I'm gonna be found out, that I'm going to hand in my first English assignment and the instructor is going to take one look at it and point her finger at me and tell me to get the hell out of her classroom. Yep. Also: Ozzy knows that I had a big monster crush on him. He said he wasn't interested. Oddly, I wasn't all that broken up over it. I thought that I would be for sure, but I'm not. This thing with Jeromy is going really, really well. I wouldn't give him up for anything- He makes me feel safe and warm and beautiful and wonderful, and when I'm with him, I can't stop staring and wondering how the hell I got so lucky. I'm the lucky one. 4:56 p.m. - 2003-08-28 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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