mainsqueeze's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- why do you build me up It is absolutely impossible for me to wake up today. Yeah, I'm out of bed, but I could crawl back under those covers and be sound asleep in a second, even after two mugs of super-strong Angela-style coffee. I met my buddy Joe's little girl for the first time yesterday. He called me and asked me to go to the park with them, so I put LaVerne on her leash (she isn't one of those dogs that calmly walks beside you when you take her out- she's a run-into-traffic, chase-cats and provoke-larger-dogs kinda girl. She needs that leash, believe you me) and met them halfway. Man, that kid is CUTE. Really. She reminds me of my niece at that age- Tough and ballsy and mischievious. She climbed right up to the top of the Big Slide, clutching her sippee cup in one hand, and as she went down, Joe and I could actually hear the loud screeching of her bare legs on the plastic. No matter, though, cause she got right back up to the top of the jungle gym and went down again, this time leaning back onto her diaper so her legs wouldn't get burned. After she got tired of sliding, I picked her up and stood underneath her so she could swing on the monkey bars, and she laughed and smiled and somebody should keep me away from small children because when I'm around them I want to take them home with me and never give them back to their parents. I actually felt bad about how much fun it was to play with her- When I'm around Jeromy's daughter- they're right around the same age- I don't know what to do or say and so I really don't do or say anything. I just kind of watch out of the corner of my eye and make sure she doesn't play with anything dangerous or get into my purse. I just feel like- I don't know- like I shouldn't really get so close because I don't know how long Jeromy and I will be together. I don't want to get attached to this girl and then suddenly find myself unable to be around her. So I keep myself closed up, and I don't hug her or play with her or talk to her. I want to, but I don't. I'm too afraid. Last night, I dreamt that I was in possession of a jade orb that would allow evil forces to rule the world if it fell into the wrong hands. A demon army was coming after me, so I packed a bag (booze, toothpaste, and underwear, that was what was in my bag. Even in dreams I can't get my priorities straight) and climbed on my horse, only to find that I couldn't open the front gate. Yeah, the fucker wouldn't open. Mmmm hmmm. 12:49 p.m. - 2003-08-30 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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