mainsqueeze's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- found the pieces How did we get here again? Everybody unhappy under our smiles, pretending that we're okay. We stifle any remarks on anything besides the weather or the coming holiday or television or signing up for bowling leagues at the casino down the street. No other topics are safe, anything, ANYTHING could prove to be that one match that lights the fuse. And where else do I have to go? Why do I feel so homeless and hopeless and alone? I've watched her do it before, shrink into a tiny, tired, mean person inside that body, seen her heart get so ripped and bruised that nothing but tough scar tissue remains. And she says, "I'm a grown woman! I can make my own choices!" I just wonder why she's making them, what it is that's forcing her to run in the wrong direction so desperately, what it is that's making her settle for a situation way below bad. I can't change her mind. I can't make her rewrite her list of priorities so that everything is where it should be. I just sit and wait, and hope for the best, and I maintain this tense silence, even though there are a million things I'd like to say. 8:58 p.m. - 2003-12-02 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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