mainsqueeze's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- leaving Zach is leaving for Oklahoma in two days. My buddy Zach, my always there, my MST3K partner, my walking encyclopedia of useles trivia. We got in a huge argument today, and that escalated to a full-blown fight, yelling, red-in-the-face. Afterward we sat in the parked car in the parking lot of a grocery store and he asked me in a tiny voice, "Do you really think that about me?" and I answered him honestly, sometimes, yeah. I could feel my throat getting thick and I whispered, "I wanted to make everything better before you left." I had said awful things, about how when he called, I didn't even want to answer the phone, how I lied to him so I could hang up. I said that I was sorry, and I started crying for all of our history together, for all of the hurt and the happiness. I cried because he was leaving. One look at the damp skin under his sunglasses and I knew he was crying, too. We sat in silence, tears rolling down our faces, and I wrapped my arms tight around him and buried my face in his shoulder and said I'm sorry I'm sorry over and over again. And I wish so hard I could change our past, but the only guarantee I have is that the future can be better. And I have my regret. 10:09 p.m. - 2004-01-06 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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