mainsqueeze's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- give you all the water Hey guys, I'm better now. Just a momentary overdose on the crazy, but I'm finally geting to be okay again. I wrote this a few days ago: New apartment. Roommates. Two of them. Two roommates for Angela, yassir. Crystal, who is no more and no less than I expected-- Maybe a little bit more, good more-- and Alys, who is fifteen, and really, I think no other description is needed. We�ve all been co-existing nicely so far. I reel to look around this room. Home. That�s this, this is that-- this is home now. How surreal. One bonus: I see Matt all the time. I missed Matt. I hate to admit it or think of it or remember a single second of it, but I did miss him so. I forget, sometimes, that he has feelings, too. It came back in a flood in his car the other day, the way he bit his lip hard and looked away from me. I swallowed the lump that has been lodged in my throat for the past month or so when I saw him bite back tears. He saved my life by crying. He shoved me away from the edge. I was teetering for so long, and all it took was him. I cringed writing that-- wrong, wrong, Lissi should have been able to save me, or Jeromy, or Crystal, but Matt was the only one. No vomiting for three days now. No more endless need to draw spirals of blood from my own skin. No more crying. I wrote once: �I have made you my messiah.� Belief must be everything, because I was cured the moment his hand touched mine. He told Crystal that I am the love of his life. I thought to myself, �And he is the love of mine.� I let him read that yesterday, and when he got to the last line, his mouth moved with the words and he pressed his palm over my hand. It's good to be back. Frances, Molly, Dave, Harold, Andrew, Lauren, hi! 4:42 a.m. - 2004-06-19 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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