mainsqueeze's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- big long impossible list Matt, I'm in a much better mood today, friend. I've made a few decisions that I desperately needed to make, and I am working on setting them into motion. So, a lighter letter to you, less wah-wah-sob-sob and more, um... not that. Inspired by the conversation we had yesterday, I created a list not only of the things that make you stay in a relationship, but the things that should be present before or just after it begins. Ready? (I'm using the pronoun "he" because, well, I want to.) All right, men, if you ever want to date me, you: 1. Must harbor deep appreciation for Dr. Seuss, Doug Martsch, and Danny Elfman. It helps if you love Joss Whedon, too. 2. Think that the idea of a Staring Girl tattoo is awesome. 3. Will sing Peter Gabriel to me. 4. Know why Canada is so cool. 5. Will want to keep my childhood photos. 6. Want to share you memories, and want me to share mine. 7. Floss regularly. 8. Smell good. Not cologne-y, but nice, clean boy-y. 9. Must love all things MST3K. 10. Know that Joel was better. 11. Laugh at all of my jokes. 12. Will play 6 degrees with me for hours. 13. Love it when I say, "I think we're going to need a bigger boat," at the most bizarre times. 14. Are unfailing honest and loyal. 15. Must never attempt to put anything near or in my ass without advance notice and my approval. 16. Don't use the words "gay," "fag," or "queer," as synoyms for "stupid." 17. Give spare change to panhandlers. 18. Keep your eyes open during sex. 19. Are patient and gentle in all that you do. Mostly. Unless the situation is one where patience and gentleness is the exact opposite of what we both want. Ahem. 20. Play strip-Scrabble with me. 21. Male losing strip-Scrabble fun. 22. Want to stay in bed with me for an entire weekend. 23. Like shopping. Or at least you don't follow me around nagging and telling me how dumb my purchases are. 24. Think glasses are sexy. 25. Are okay with sexless making out. 26. Write me love letters. 27. Find small towns charming. 28. Talk with fake accents with me in public. 29. Pick daisies for me. 30. Take care of me when I'm sick. 31. Call me by a variety of ridiculous, affectionate nicknames. 32. Dance. Even if booze is required. 33. Laugh really hard when I tell you that I get "Crime and Punishment," and "Pride and Predjudice" confused. 34. Play the original Legend of Zelda with me for hours. 35. Agree that Gannon is a great name for a bulldgog. 36. Occasionally sacrifice for others. 37. Get excited at the idea of craft fairs. 38. Read the sunday paper with me. 39. Wish the cast of "Friends" was dead. 40. Occasionally say "Cheerio!" 41. Make fun of popular slang with me. 42. Sing along with musicals. 43. Want to name your first child after either a superhero, alter ego, rock star, or literary character. Bonus points if you choose Scout Finch, Peter Parker, or Gogo from Kill Bill. 44. Appreciate architecture. 45. Comic cons excite you beyond words. You will drive to fucking San Francisco if the lineup is good enough. 46. Love my crappy art and want to hang it on your walls. 47. Don't let me win on purpose. Either win fair and square or lose gracefully. 48. Be kind to your family. 49. Talk to children like they actually have brains. 50. If we ever share a room, let me hang miscellaneous neon signs. 51. Want/own a Roomba, because they are so fucking cute. 52. Have no problem calling another man "cute." 53. Never call another girl cute in front of me. I WILL freak out. I can't help it. 54. Play with my hair. 55. Think aprons are hot. 56. Love dogs. Tolerate cats. 57. Enjoy but do not be obsessed with pornography. 58. Have attractive hair and teeth. 59. Do not piss all over the toilet seat. 60. Give massages. With fun oils and candlelight. And then sex. 61. Can or are willing to learn how to make the perfect cup of coffee. 62. Would buy me the Batmobile if you could, and allow me to paint it pink. 63. Rub my back/neck/hair/face when we kiss. 64. Enjoy showering with me, or do it anyway because it makes me happy. 65. Know how to apologize. 66. Know how to wrap mushu properly, because I do not. 67. Agree with me that special features are usually the best parts of the dvd. 68. Put your hand on my thigh while you drive. 69. Make me feel like I'm going to burst when I see you smile. 70. Will cover me up when I fall asleep on the couch. 71. Go on pointless adventures with me. If I call you late at night and ask if you want to drive to the ocean with me, either say "Okay," or "I can't," but never, "Are you fucking nuts?" 72. Understand why I love Moogs. 73. Know and care where my special spots are. 74. Are not the kind of person who would dunk somebody in a swimming pool. 75. Ask about my scars and tell about yours. 76. Would never even consider getting a tribal tattoo. 77. Look at me suggestively from across the room. 78. Cry unabashedly at sad movies. 79. Occasionally bend me backward and lavish me with movie star kisses. 80. Make top ten lists with me. 81. Believe that The Kids in the Hall should be sainted. 82. Dress up on Halloween. 83. Are willing to have sex in inappropriate places at the drop of a hat. 84. Let me know that you want/need/love me. Never let me doubt that. 85. Have funny childhood stories. 86. Are passionate about at least one thing that I am passionate about. 87. Sometimes get so, so lost in the music. When I say that I think I might cave in, know how I feel. 88. Do not leave condom wrappers in with the unused condoms. 90. Want me to be a better person, not because there's anything wrong with who I am, but because you know that I am capable. I will always do the same for you. 91. Agree that it would be fantastic to own a pet pig. 92. Will watch PeeWee's Playhouse with me. 93. Have an fantastic vocabulary. 94. Hold me when its cold outside. 95. Demand respect and give it, as well. 96. Hold my hand. A lot. 97. Know that A lot is proper and alot is not. 98. Think going to the bookstore is an EVENT. 99. Would never say anything solely to hurt me, ever. 100. Make me feel-- and this is trite, but true-- like I am the luckiest person in the world because I am with you, and you should probably feel like that, too. So, pretty complete list? I think so. I'll allow a three or four question margin or error, I guess, but the odds that I'll ever find somebody like that are slim. That could be the purpose of the list, I suppose. I'm choosing to not read into it so much. Anyhow, friend, I hope to see you soon. Miss you. Love you. --Angela 12:38 a.m. - 2004-09-17 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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