mainsqueeze's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

more just underneath

I was reading through my old entries and I realized that what I was trying to say the whole goddamn time was this:
I want you to love me as much as I love you. I want to know everything about you and see every facet and I want you to want to see all of me, too. I want us to be forever and ever and ever, until we die, and then again when we are reborn and on into infinity.

But that life, that love? A distant memory. I haven't thought of you in about a week or so, not once until today. When people talk about growing apart over time, what they really mean is that they chose to shove themselves away but they don't want to feel bad about it... so they try to make it sound natural. We "grew apart." You grew apart from me, and you grew apart from the things that used to be important to us. Hell, maybe it's time for me to grow apart, too. I think I'm doing okay. The only thing that still bothers me is that the more I learn about you, the things other people saw that I didn't, the less true my memories seem. Because I swore you loved me, too. I would have fucking bet everything I had on it, but now? Maybe that can be your gift, though-- You make people feel special, and you make people feel loved. It isn't a bad thing, but I would have taken the truth any day.

4:42 p.m. - 2005-07-11

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next

latest entry

about me

archives

notes

DiaryLand

contact

random entry

other diaries:

fellbehind
drowning13
facepunch
jwinokur
molu4
frances1972
secret-motel
dinosaurs
beltedweir
hissandtell
pajamaman
mare-ingenii
tonality
ursamajor
ohsuperego
idlehopes
tooths
snowconecoma
crowdedroom
throwingjuly
linguafranca
youareokok
sweetmachine