mainsqueeze's Diaryland Diary

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memorize your lines

My plane leaves in ten hours. I will arrive in Michigan at around 1030am and I will get into the car with Aunt Terry and Tiara and maybe Dan and Brandon or if they can't pick me up Jessica and the babies will come to get me instead. Friday I will visit Ann Arbor and plan my new life, walk the streets that will be home in three months, see the people who will be my neighbors, go to the school that I will happily devote all my time to come May. New life, whoo boy, oh man, it's getting close. I wanted to do so many things before I left, kiss Jon Burnett just once to see if it feels like I've imagined it feeling for four years now, tell Matt I'm happy for him but wish he'd called to tell me the good news himself, show all of the people that used to know me what I am, now, what I'm like. Ask Dustin out for coffee and tell him I'll be back in five years, twenty-eight to his forty-one. I'm getting scared, a little, because this fake life I've built for myself Out There is going to be real soon and I want to live up to my own expectations, just mine now, nobody else's.
My Mother told me that she feels sick to her stomach because her little family of three is losing one. I spoke to her for the first time about why I am going. When Tiara was born, I made a promise to her Mother by saying I wanted to be her Godmother, and I have obligations to fulfill. I have messes to clean up the best I can and I have amends to make so I have to go. I didn't do all I could have for her Mother so now what I owed Nicole is Tiara's to collect.
Tomorrow morning. Take-off, Bruce the Dog clutched tight like he has been on every plane ride since I was six. Four hours in the air and then... we land.

11:52 p.m. - 2006-11-08

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