mainsqueeze's Diaryland Diary

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Ed the Pumpkin King

Ed has left. Gone tonight, around 9pm or so but at least this time he said goodbye and as I do, as I always always always do, I ran back for a second goodbye because the first ones are never perfect enough. I told Stella after that final hug and semi-tearful "drive safe" what if something were to happen? What if that were the last goodbye? Morbid but true because I have said last goodbyes before not knowing they were last goodbyes and they were not nearly good enough.
Tonight feels strange; Erik wanted me to stay over at his place and so and so wanted to do this and so and so wanted to do that and I just want to locate all of the shit I have lost in my Mother's garage, things I need, important things that are buried in boxes under other boxes.
Matt once told me that if you want to write good music you have to listen to good music, music like you want to make. Is it the same with writing? Read like you want to write?
Ed, you really are the Pumpkin King. You know this. I am waiting for the day you wake up and start to really breathe, really sweat and weep, really exist, because that day will be beautiful, you know. You are halfway alive but you owe us--all of us, the world--more, with your amazing mind and your kindness, you owe us more than halfway. Love you, friend, brother.

1:11 a.m. - 2007-03-19

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