mainsqueeze's Diaryland Diary

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decisions

Goodness, I'm in a mood today. This whole week, actually. I am simultaneously experiencing every emotion possible, all at once. I'm excited about my impending move, frustrated with my current living situation, ecstatic that I've finally found an affordable place to live in MI, worried about how close I'll be to my father's place, guilty for not feeling worse about the recent death of a coworker, pleased with myself for the things I've been achieving at work lately... all at once.
I spoke with Anthony yesterday (you guys don't know him but he is one of my oldest friends, was confused with me through our "extended adolescence," went crazy with me a thousand times when we were teenagers and I love love love him) about growing up and how we both agree that growing up really just means that you learn how to fake it better. Anthony is getting married soon. All of my best boy friends, settling down, married and babies and talking about retirement plans and I wonder if I will ever do that. I would like to try that life on someday and come home at 5pm each evening and make dinner and watch the news and maybe take a walk arund the neighborhood right before sunset. Fall asleep reading in bed. Get used to a body next to mine when the alarm goes off in the morning, you know? Is it really that important? Will I miss it if I never decide to try it? I've never pictured a life like that for myself before. I would picture myself single with a small apartment, maybe a child, maybe a dog, quiet and simple things that were all mine and I didn't have to share. I'm twenty-three for thirteen more days and I will still have time to decide even after another birthday passes.

6:01 p.m. - 2007-04-12

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