mainsqueeze's Diaryland Diary

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grand finale

Goddamnit. I had a connection (borrowed from my Gran�s neighbors) for about thirty seconds but lost it. It appears as though this week will be an internetless one. At least I have all my best music (and porn) saved so I can view it offline. Thank God for small miracles.
So, yeah. I am spending the week at my Grandmother�s house so my Ma can call the maintenance guy to fix the toilet that has been broken for four months now. Between the two of us, we have five dogs that like to bark madly whenever any sound occurs anywhere within a five-mile vicinity. Tonight, after I got off work, I packed up some clean clothes, my essential electronics, and the doggies, and we headed to Gran�s. My grannie-fo-fa-nannie is cute as hell, ya know. Nothing in the whole wide world beats a toothless, short, bubble-haired woman who could kick your ass in a bar fight. Nothing. I mean, my Gran is Granny Clampett tough. Her dog (Princess, of course) is Venus and Verne�s sister and she is terrified of Argo, who is by no means huge but is a freakin� behemoth compared to the pack of Pomeranians my family has acquired. Five of them between us all, LaVerne, Venus, Princess, Pandy, and Icy. Anyhow, yeah. Gramma Shirley�s place. My newest temporary home. At least I am sleeping in an actual bedroom, with an actual door, on an actual bed.
Okay, I had a connection for another thirty seconds just then. The wireless gods are totally fucking with me. BUT�
This gives me a legit reason to continue going to the library on a daily basis. Renee from work was giving me flirting tips (because she is a goddess, and her feminine wiles have even charmed the pants off of me, on more than a few occasions) but her advice fell woefully short, as she advised that I walk up to Seth like a rockstar and tell him that �he has a really cool name.� David said I should take shots before going to the library-- which I�m pretty sure would end badly. Stacy said to ask him if he wanted to get drunk and screw (her words, I swear) but unfortunately, the kind of guy I typically go for would be terrified by such aggression. My plan so far is to walk into the library, try to talk to him, get scared and run away, then try again, run away again, attract a crowd, sweat profusely, and then leave the library and never return. And when I say �plan,� I don�t mean so much that that�s what I�m shooting for as I do mean that I am almost positive that that is what is going to happen.
I�ve been half-assedly dating Brent for a month now and I am still terribly unsure as to what exactly I am expecting to happen. I spent the night last night and it was good. Great, even. We grabbed a bite to eat, talked the whole time, he kept his arm around my shoulder, and it was nice. I was thinking, you know, maybe I want to actually TRY. Fast forward a few hours and we are at his house, kissing, when he pulled away, looked at me, and said, �I really hate the way you keep pulling me toward you.� And after that, oh, kids, I was so done. I�m not sure what exactly it was about that innocent (?) statement, perhaps the fact that it was prefaced by at least four other �I really hate the way you��s throughout the evening, but I was up and putting on my shoes before poor Brent really knew what was happening. In fact, he STILL doesn�t know exactly what happened, I�m sure. I told him, just after I gathered my shit as huffily as I possibly could, that we needed to �cool it for awhile.� My own special, patented way of breaking up with a guy without REALLY breaking up with him, my way of scooping that ace right into my back pocket in case I decide to use it later on. This one backfired a little bit, though, as I felt terrible the second I got into my car, rushed back inside to apologize and explain, and was greeted with cold, hard logic: We are too different. This won�t work. Brent is now �thinking about it,� and I am strangely upset about what occurred. And even still, even though I am a tiny bit distraught over this whole big mess, a significant chunk of me is wondering what exactly a Canadian boy stuck in the mountains in the middle of nowhere is doing on the 4th, if he is watching fireworks and if he is kissing a girl, if he is watching the lights and if he realizes that even though it has a very patriotic name, this holiday is really about holding hands while the sky explodes above you, about getting that perfect kiss at the perfect moment while everything is on fire. I wonder if he will do that tonight. I won�t.
Okay, holy shit, wowwwwweeee, I got a connection! And it�s hangin� in there! Abrupt ending, time to post.

6:40 p.m. - 2007-07-04

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