mainsqueeze's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

she's so wonderful

Oh boy, oh shit. I feel terrified at the moment. Happy and terrified, I like this boy and he likes me and these things always start out well enough but they end badly. They end with you opened up like a corpse on a cold slab, like a rosebud, like your heart not even on your sleeve but stapled directly onto your forehead or maybe being used as the beanbag for a game of hackey sack. Scary. He is handsomer than handsome. Oh goodness, goodness. My human alarm clock, I call him that now, because he has woken me up every morning for the past two weeks and I tell him it makes me wake up happier than the blaring screech of my alarm clock. I wake up happy. He wrote to me today, "How am I gonna survive eight days without you?" and it is premature and could possibly scare the living shit out of any girl on the face of the planet who isn't me. I've told you this before: I am a sucker for love. I am a sucker for touching and kissing and talking and sex (which is another entry unto itself, that one) and friendship. And at this moment I am a sucker for Matt.
Today was my last day at work and the best thing anybody said to me was what my two trouble-makin' boys wrote on my card: "It was nice working with you even though you made us do dumb shit." Jina cried, Carol cried, and I have to admit I even got a little teary when I cleaned my stuff out of the office and left my name-tag sitting on my boss's desk. Dan says he is my own personal epiphany generator and he isn't wrong-- my life has been sometimes dismal and sometimes fantastic but mostly just comfy and uninspiring. And I am not sure if the new life I am going to try on will be any better but at least it'll be something to break me out for a bit. It feels good, all of it, even the scary parts.

2:41 a.m. - 2007-07-24

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next

latest entry

about me

archives

notes

DiaryLand

contact

random entry

other diaries:

fellbehind
drowning13
facepunch
jwinokur
molu4
frances1972
secret-motel
dinosaurs
beltedweir
hissandtell
pajamaman
mare-ingenii
tonality
ursamajor
ohsuperego
idlehopes
tooths
snowconecoma
crowdedroom
throwingjuly
linguafranca
youareokok
sweetmachine