mainsqueeze's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dreams I dreamed about Nikki last night. In the dream, she was alive, her hair was blonder and she had lost weight, her skin was perfect and her life looked like the kind of life I would have wanted for her. She was a mom and she was happy and she was strong, you know? So I dreamed she was alive and it was normal, it wasn't like I ran crying to her and said I missed her but I said, Hey Nik, like it was just regular business to see her there. And then she left the room--it was Aunt Terry's kitchen--and Tiara walked in with a big silver heart around her neck. I asked where she got it from and she said her Mom gave it to her. I asked, when, because I suddenly knew Nikki was dead and thought maybe her ghost had given the locket, but T said, Before. Before she died again, when she came back just now. And my little god-daughter, the kid I watched come into the world, she started crying and said, I miss my Mommy and I cried, I said, I miss her, too. T looked at me and said, All those times you thought I was alone in my room, she was in there, too. She was with me. And we both cried and I rocked her back and forth. It sounds cheesy and lame but when I woke up I felt like maybe--goddamnit, I'm crying now, months since I cried over this--maybe Nikki came to say, Hey Ang. I'm still with you guys, you know. It felt like a gift, because I got to see her alive in my dream and she was happy and breathing and beautiful, it was a gift. I miss her. Hey, Nik? Thanks for coming by. Love you. 8:37 p.m. - 2008-01-07 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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