mainsqueeze's Diaryland
Diary
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little kids
Listen to El Goodo over and over, did you know Alex Chilton died a few weeks back? Maybe it was a few months back. Either way that was a beautiful brain, "I'll fall if I don't fight, and at my side is God."
My semester is winding down, twenty-seventh birthday two days ago, party coming this friday night, flight to New York on Tuesday, Mangum on Thursday, Zach the whole week and I am excited to spend five whole entire days with somebody who has seen me amazing and terrible and tiny and gigantic and he loves me anyhow.
I am writing a paper--okay, I am SUPPOSED TO BE writing a paper-- right now about perception versus reality and it is making me think about my own tragic flaw, my own misguided arrows. Fuck this technological, ever-connected age of ours where I can look at an image of a boy who lives a state away that I have never met and shouldn't give a shit about and feel my stomach twist around itself because I have seen the words, "Seeing somebody." I suppose I am "seeing somebody," too, and by "seeing somebody," I mean that I sleep in a bed with him and put my body over his like a blanket and he smells like soap and his feet are always warmer than mine but I do not and will not love him, and he does not and will not love me. He has given me exactly two compliments so far, in which he compared me to Scarlett from GI Joe and to Princess Toadstool. I suppose this is endearing. Anyhow, my reality. Conrad says that I see the good things and only the good things about people and everybody else sees all of the other shit. I thought it sounded beautiful when she said it but it feels terrible to be on the other side of that. I have started writing a childrens' story. I am excited about this story because I am excited about building a magical world and letting it suck me in, away from this place where the urges of my body push me to things I did not think I wanted and that I know I do not need.
12:47 p.m. - 2010-04-27
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