mainsqueeze's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - God, I am so tired. I am fast approaching this fuck it all place-- I can understand the appeal of small living, the appeal of a small house in the middle of nowhere, no casinos, no traffic, no eighty hour work weeks, no cable bills and no social obligations that I cannot fulfill. Michelle says focus on the good things right now, the way Chris wants to make me happy in a way nobody else ever has, and I do, I mean, I try, but the lack of a life outside of my job is still hard. Zach will be here next week, and it will be nice to sit with one of my very favorite people in the world and have him recharge my rebelliousness in that way he is good at. School starts in eleven days. After much hemming and hawing I decided to drop one class, as I will still be balancing a 50 hour work schedule and even though I like to pretend I don't need such trivial things as sleep and home cooked meals and time with my thoughts, I am not a super hero and I do need those things. Full class load plus work would afford me zero time for any of those basics that I used to take for granted-- but that was a longer time ago than I realized until just now, I guess. I have become obsessed with budgets lately, like if I can just save enough money I can somehow quit my job and live this amazing and stress-free life where the bills are still paid by magical cash fairies and I can learn music and read books and someday, have children and take care of them and teach them to be sweet and kind to animals and to climb trees and explore the world but that is a whole lot of saving. Might as well pray for the power to shoot diamonds out of my fingertips. Anyhow, my verdict on adulthood is that marketing teams across the world are too goddamned good at their jobs and so we--I--all of us-- think we need a surplus of objects and devices and certain products to survive and be happy, and I am trying to unteach myself all of that. 3:31 p.m. - 2010-08-12 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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