mainsqueeze's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ten Days Ago It is like we are inside of this perfect and delicate soap bubble, the three of us, Chris, Elliott, and I, time slowed to a crawl so we can enjoy every single second and I don't ever want this bubble to break. Nothing exists outside of this, my little family. Nothing else matters. My son was born ten days ago and for ten days now--maybe eight or nine if I am being honest with myself-- my entire life has been this beautiful, gentle dream that I never want to wake up from. My doctor cut me open to pull him out of me and the whole time I was pregnant, that was my biggest fear, I kept saying to anyone who would listen, "Don't let them cut me, please don't let them cut me." A week and a half later I understand why people say, "And he was worth every second of it." I would do it a thousand times over to hear that first cry, to see the look on Chris's face and the tears in his eyes. He was and is worth that. I understand it now. Initially, he was a tiny stranger with my own face, I was drugged and tired and sore and useless. Biology worked its magic and the chemicals coursed through my veins and the stranger became my son and Chris became my pillar and now I can't stand the idea of either one of them being out of my reach for even a second. Chris felt it, too-- said that when he touched me or the baby, he felt tingles all over his body. He told me he wanted to absorb me and I understood that, too. So we are letting time pass without pressing it to go faster, we tag each other out to sleep, we stare drop-jawed and stupidly amazed at the marvel we created between the two of us. We are happy. I am happy. 1:58 a.m. - 2011-06-22 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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