mainsqueeze's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Visitor Had a dream about Nicole last night. We are coming up to the seven year anniversary of her death in a few days. I like to imagine that these dreams are her way of saying hello and I love you but I know that that isn't true. In the dream, I dialed her phone number much like I did in the first year or so after, not expecting anybody to answer but still irrationally wishing. She answered. I recognized her voice instantly and said Nikki? Nicole? Nicole Shea? She asked how I found her. In the dream, I was suddenly there with her. The house looked like it was somewhere in Michigan, a little like Papa's house. We sat at the kitchen table drinking coffee. She said she just had to get away. She needed to change her life. She got a doctor to fill out the death certificate. She had a mortician issue our family somebody else's ashes. I wanted to run to our family and tell them but she told me I couldn't. I couldn't tell anybody. Not Tiara? Not Brandon? I asked her. No. But Nikki, I said, and I remember this part hurting to say even in the dream, but Nikki, it hurts so bad still. She made me swear to never tell. She gave me a gift, a small painted piece of glass that she made. She was an artist in her new life. And we said goodbye again. And I woke up. 9:26 a.m. - 2012-10-19 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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