mainsqueeze's Diaryland Diary

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Sounds Of The Universe

Dear X,

Sorry if you cant make much sense of this. I didnt have anyone else to write to. Dont worry, I wont be angry if you dont respond.

There was a five car accident on the highway tonight. My niece was bouncing on my lap, oblivious to the wreckage on the blacktop, and I was slowly becoming more and more lost in the sirens and red lights. I saw legs, legs dangling from the back of a pickup truck, and a boy cradling the person that the legs belonged to in his arms and rocking back and forth. My heart wanted to explode, but I clenched my teeth and made the pressure subside. I clenched my teeth and let the pain and terror and sadness slip out my mouth and out the car window. Why couldnt I have taken their pain away, too?

How can I make this world sweeter, slower, and gentler?

I just need a guru, a messiah. I need salvation and redemption. Can anyone teach me how to love like I want to so badly? Will loving that much kill me?

By the way, I feel something strong inside my chest lately. By the way, I think everything is catching up to me at last. By the way, would you mind holding my hand while I die?

12:33 a.m. - 2002-08-18

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