mainsqueeze's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I Will Not Call You Back Why do I constantly have the feeling that Im being duped by fucking everybody? Does everybody but me have some sort of selfish motive? Am I simply entertainment for my "friends"? I called John awhile ago to let him know that he left his sunglasses here a few days ago. He happened to be at Matt's house, or perhaps in the car with him. Anyhow, he was with Matt. Joh greeted me by name, and I heard Matt let out a hearty laugh and say, "Oh yeah, I remember her! We used to be best friends!" Best friends? I wanted to scream so badly. Yeah? Do you take advantage of all of you friends, or do you save it for the best? Do you lie and steal from all of them, or was it just me? Best friends? Ha! Fuck you. I hope you get a new best friend who is just like you. But I didnt. Earlier tonight, I treated Zach to a milkshake to make him feel better about his financial problems. I scooted closer to him, and picked up his arm and put it around my shoulders. He looked at me and frowned. He shook his head. And I sort of snapped. I went into the bathroom and cried and cried and cried and wondered what was wrong with me. Before I walked back into the restaurant I pulled my hair forward over my face so nobody could see my red eyes and the handprints on my face. Lets make that a fucking metaphor. Im always pulling my fucking hair forward to hide my eyes. 12:05 a.m. - 2002-08-31 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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