mainsqueeze's Diaryland Diary

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one side tries to smile enough for two

"Double-edged and super-blue, vertically letting the light from you, casting a new darkness through the room. Angels laid their odds on you, they know not quite what they should do... Only that they can't quite tear themselves from the view."

I'm madly, completely in love with somebody who loves me, too, but will never, ever say it out loud. At least not in the way I want them to. And it would really fuck everything up to admit it, even to myself, when I'm not shaking and crazy and making no sense at all.

So I keep it in. I hold it in. And it never shrinks, or fades, and sometimes, it hurts so terribly that I wish I couldn't feel anything at all.

Now, I'm sitting and smoking, and my lungs are numb, and I think maybe the numbness is spreading, and I think maybe it's a good thing.

9:55 a.m. - 2003-04-03

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