mainsqueeze's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- blown us all away You guys are sick of hearing about my stupid new relationship. I know you must be. Last entry on the subject, I swear, and then I'll get back to the usual nonsensical ranting and raving. Okay? Okay. He said to me, last night, that he's afraid that one day I'll just turn and look at him and say that I don't want him anymore. He said I scare him with my ups and downs, how one minute I'll be smiling and laughing and kissing him and the next I'm quiet and sullen and huddled far away from him at the edge of the bed. I tried really hard to explain how I felt- I said, "It's just easier to shut myself off sometimes. I'm scared too, probably a million times more scared than you are." Because I don't know myself very well- I never know how I'm going to feel about something or somebody when I wake up in the morning- I'm constantly changing my mind. I don't want to hurt this boy, and I don't want him to hurt me, but I'm such a pessimist that sometimes, all I can think about is how inevitable it is that one of us will eventually want something different. And then the pain part happens, and... scary. I'm trying really hard to just enjoy the ride, I really really am. We'll see. 2:40 p.m. - 2003-07-16 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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