mainsqueeze's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mom, I love you I love you I love you. Apparently, when a person has a large gallstone, they can experience symptoms similar to those of a heart attack. That's what the doctors told us, that it was a gallstone, but they ran a few more tests, and, whoops, that really WAS a heart attack. My Mother is having surgery done on her heart tomorrow, and if I was the type to pray, I'd be praying and praying and praying right now. But I'm not that type, so instead I'm just hoping. I sat beside my Mother's hospital bed tonight and watched as she scribbled out instructions for me to follow if she should die. I get all her stuff, she wrote, and when Lise is old enough, I'll split it with her. Small life insurance policy. Lise will live with Grandma until I'm out of school. I almost vomited. I came home and I sat in the living room for three or four hours listening to my breathing bounce off of the corners of the empty room, wondering what the chances were that I'd be arranging a funeral this weekend. I remember every horrible thing I ever said to her, to my Mom-- I was one of those bad kids, the ones who scream "I hate you!" in grocery store parking lots and restaurants. How- Yeah. Just How. Like How Can This Be Happening? I want to buy her a house of her own someday. A car. Give her a super-platinum Visa and tell her to go wild and buy herself all of things she has ever wanted. And If I don't have the chance to... I can't even write, anymore. 12:43 a.m. - 2003-11-21 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||