mainsqueeze's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- make love stay Tra lee la, shit, shit shit! It has just been that kind of week. Hell, that kind of month, even. Like my computer has been displaying only 16 colors for the past week, and it looked even worse than my first ever computer, a Tandy. I fixed it, but not without much bitching and crying and complaining. Because like I said, guys, it has been that kind of a week. And there are problems between Jeromy and I, and I'm not sure how many of those problems I can attribute to weird Angela PMS Chemicals and how many are real. This is-- and I'm really trying very hard not to make too many comparisons-- remarkably similar to how the end came about with Zach. A certain amount of time passed, things became less and less special, and then everything went sour. Poor Jeromy has a hell of a lot to deal with right now-- he still hasn't seen his daughter, his sister bailed on the family and left them stuck with all the bills, he doesn't have enough money to pay his car insurance or his bankruptcy fees, his mom's kidneys have failed and she's on dialysis, and he's going through a bad time with the schedulers at work. I do want to help him, I do. I hate it that we fight and bicker the way we do, that nothing is fun anymore. When he comes over at the end of the night, though, and he's suffered a night of unbelievable stress, I can't help but wonder how understanding I have to be. I mean, what is the standard amount of empathy I have to have? How much do I take? We don't laugh together like we used to. We don't talk. We don't really do much of anything besides sleep in the same bed. I don't know where any of this is going, but I'm trying to hang on. I'm trying. I have two finals left on Monday, English and Political Science. Myself and a few other students are meeting up tomorrow to study for PSC. One 2-3 page essay, 5 three-four paragraph essays, and ten three-five sentence definitions. In just under two hours. I have given up any silly notions about a perfect four point grade average this semester, friends. I've got a high B right now, which is fine with me. Really. I apologize for all the whining in this entry, guys. I just feel so overwhelmed, and, well, guilty. I feel like a bad person because I'm questioning my relationship with Jeromy at a time when he needs me the most. I thought this was gonna last for a long time... 8:08 p.m. - 2004-05-13 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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