mainsqueeze's Diaryland Diary

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dont want to risk our paths crossing someday

The last entry I wrote was just the perfect length and it was full of interesting information and ideas and you would have absolutely loved it.
...But Jeromy pointed and clicked and it vanished, all those words gone and irretrievable. Sigh.
A summary of that gorgeous, mythic entry:
... Nah, fuck that.

I realized something last night-- Kevin (the one who inspired that mini-heartbreak mentioned in the last entry) isn't really all that special. I mean yeah, he is pretty great in a zillion different ways, but somehow I had convinced myself that he was the only one like that in the whole world, which is obviously a big load of shite. Last night, for example, I sat with three incredible people-- one I've known for a long, long time, and two new ones-- and I felt awkward and nervous and weird, and they actually made an effort to make me comfortable. They tried. And wow, that was a nice feeling, when at the end of the night I got hugged by one curly-haired little cherub of a woman and one cold-armed boy with an unwavering gaze and then, the best, one from an old friend, warm and familiar. I do love hugs.
Joe asked me to send him something that I've written. Oh, that was in the last entry-- that I'm not gonna be so terrified to show people that stuff anymore, because all of those crumpled pages and notebooks and scribbles in the margins? Those are ME. And I shouldn't be afraid to let people read them.

12:27 p.m. - 2005-04-08

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