mainsqueeze's diary

mainsqueeze's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

love you more than life

A girl said to me today that she remembered New Year's Eve, that she remembered me squealing, "I missed you," to an old friend that I now only communicate to via drunken text messages I don't really remember it but maybe I felt it then. I probably felt it then. So, the point of that? I'm tired of all of this walking away and giving up and saying goodbye and letting good turn to all right turn to bad turn to forgotten. I'm tired of losing all of the good ones and I'm really, really fucking tired of everybody always leaving. Choosing to leave. Choosing goodbye. Friendships I thought would last forever and stupid me, silly me, friendships I thought transcended the word "friendship" because it didn't seem big enough or important enough to describe them. Loves I thought were somehow carved right into my DNA and written in big red letters across my being and destined to last throughout this whole entire life and then the next one and the next one. So, there's that. Babies growing up and kids waking up adults all of a sudden and sweet turning sour. Yep. So, there's that.

I want my treehouse.

"For I am an engine, and I'm rolling on

through endless revisions to say what I mean

for sweetness alone who flew out through the window

and landed back home in a garden of green.

You're riding alone in the back of steamer

and steaming yourself in the warm shower spray

and water rolls on off the round captain's belly

who's talking to tigers from his cafeteria tray.

The sweet babies cry for the cool taste of milking

that milky delight that invited us all

and if there's a taste in this life more inviting