mainsqueeze's Diaryland Diary

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Fire

I forgot that there was a surface to all of this, you know? I am a surface and if you look at that surface you may see your own reflection or the glare of sunlight or maybe an endless stretch of white space from one side of me to the other. People see me sometimes, you know? And sometimes they like what they see and sometimes they don't and it is all because of that surface, that stupid, meaningless surface.
I feel at this very moment, yes, right now, this single second, that I am becoming untied. Maybe I am already untied but I am late noticing it. Like I don't even live in this world. I forget that I do, you know, live here, that I am alive and this is my life and each day is just one tiny piece of that whole big thing that sometimes feels kinda good and sometimes kinda bad. This is it. It doesn't get any bigger or beautifuller than this. This is everything.
Two dealbreakers, the way I am not connected to my body, the thing that carries me around and has feet and arms and lips and fingers, the thing that is gorgeous in some light and repugnant in others, dimples and curves and weight and warmth, slow as syrup and quick and silver as a river. The smoke that flows from me and fills me with heat and cinders, I am on fire, goddamnit, why is that wrong? I have been on fire for a long time.

2:56 a.m. - 2007-02-04

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