mainsqueeze's Diaryland Diary

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Fool For Love

Oh, and I am one. A fool for love, I mean, or a fool for the way it feels to be wanted, to touch and be touched. Maybe just a fool.
I've got my hands full right now and when I say "full" I do not mean maybe a little full or half-full but full, so fucking full that if I loosen my grip for even a moment I will have a whole lotta 'splaining to do. But-- and this part is important-- I've come to a few realizations over the past few weeks. One is that although I fervently deny it, I guess I kind of am one of those people who takes care of other people just a little too much. I had always thought of myself as totally selfish and unyielding but when I think back on the past ten years of my life, I suppose that I have put my own needs second in a few situations here and there. Like Jeromy. Katelynne. My Mother. My sister. Even Zach, a few times, although lord knows he has done the same for me. And the thing is, I am a twenty-three year old woman and I haven't even begun to experience the changes that are inevitably going to occur within me over the next ten years or so-- how can I assume responsibility for anybody else if I haven't even learned who I am yet? I want to be a good person, smart and strong and fast and compassionate and right now I am as close as I could possibly be but I still have a ways to go until I'm really there.
The next two months I am going to be weightless. It's about fucking time.

8:11 p.m. - 2007-03-08

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