mainsqueeze's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- weather girl I get crazy, out of control. I think I do. I don't really remember. LUST, LUST, I mean. I get crazy with lust, preoccupied with physical closeness because it is so, so much easier than emotional closeness. I'm in a weird situation. I'm trying to handle it gracefully but a truly graceful person probably would not have gotten herself involved in something quite like this. I am trying to figure out what I want and maybe even trying to alter my apparently unreasonable standards (clean? smart? kind? funny? tolerant? what, too much?) and learn how to deal with the fact that even the most perfect people would probably eventually drive me up a fucking goddamn wall. Jina asked me some silly questions tonight and then said that the answers were something else. Like my favorite color is red because it is bright, vivid, and passionate and she said that that was how people saw me, some bullshit like that. She asked my favorite body of water and I told her about Adrian's pool, how it is so clean and deep and cold and she said that that was really what I wanted when it came to sex. Clean, deep, cold and I thought that that was hysterical but maybe a little tiny bit creepy that I would chose the word cold. You know? Maybe too close to the truth and I found somebody who will stay cool to the touch for a long, long time, clean and deep and cold. So I guess that that is my truth now, whether I wanted it or not. 1:25 a.m. - 2007-04-02 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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