mainsqueeze's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- everyone is leaving, i'm still with you ...And it is over, done. And I'm not going to think about it. This is an old, old story. My version is not special. I've had to fight hard, you should HAVE to fight hard to be so fragile, to earn the right to be so utterly breakable, and I have, damnit. But some people do not have to fight for anything. Some people just get to have these things without trying and without deserving it. I should have known the first time I fell asleep next to him, he was a kind of clean and sturdy that I am not and have never been and will never be and never have, fuck, I should have known right then how this would all end. It is over. No more emails, and when he comes back, no phone calls. I even asked him to stay away from this place, from my journal, because I know there will be a day when I am angry and I need to hiss and howl through this thing, fuck you Dan, I hate you, I hope you hurt, and I don't want him to have to see that. When I am ready to be sweetness and fucking light again, then I'll send him a line or two saying that I'm okay, soy lista. I want to lick my wounds, I want to be alone. I want to grab him by the shoulders and shake him until he loses all of his breath, kiss him so hard that it hurts, and crying like a baby and swallowing hard just to be able to speak, tell him, my god, you stupid asshole, you useless fuck, don't you see what you've done to me? Don't you see how good we could have been? 1:30 p.m. - 2007-06-24 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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