mainsqueeze's Diaryland Diary

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So. I confessed my weird, illogical, and unflagging paranoia to Matt last night, the paranoia that gives me ex-girlfriend nightmares and makes me occasionally flip the fuck out and think he is going to cheat and break my heart into a hundred brittle, sharp little pieces. That paranoia. I told him about it. And ya know, really, it feels better to not be an island. I was talking to Zach about it and his reaction was much like my own when I discovered there was a hyper-jealous harpie hiding inside of me-- since fucking when?? We came to two conclusions: 1, I am nuts, and 2, I am just really, really afraid of the vunerability that comes with really, truly loving and trusting somebody. And this is, what, my fifth entry about this? I keep saying I'm just gonna stop, I'm going to give him the trust he deserves, but I don't think it's quite as easy as saying I trust him, you know, and then all of a sudden, I do. But I'm going to try.
In other semi-exciting (but not really) news, I am flying to Michigan in two days to hang out with Dad and his new girlfriend, visit T and my Aunt Terry, perhaps swing by Pap's house so he can be drunk and senile and talk about how "The Blacks" are ruining the country. Should be fun.

12:10 a.m. - 2007-12-10

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