mainsqueeze's Diaryland Diary

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No touching

I like the movie Cast Away. And I don't even like Tom Hanks. But I like this movie cause I have this weird thing where I like to think about either being stranded on a deserted island or being the last woman alive, at length, and what I would do to occupy myself if this were to happen. I thought I was alone in this weird, morbid habit until last night when Matt and his friend Bryan had this nearly totally wordless discussion about what they would do in the event of a zombie attack. Both agreed they would barricade themselves in a Super WalMart, which I think is retarded cause hello? Haven't you seen Dawn of the Dead?? So, yeah, if shit were to suddenly go to hell in a handbasket and I was all by my lonesome, I would totally just pack my dogs into an RV and travel until I got sick of it and then find myself a nice deserted mansion somewhere in California. THE END.
Oh yeah, and ya know what? I always talk about how I am so fuckin' terrified of being abandoned and alone, but DAMN, I think my problem may actually just be a deep seated fear of commitment. I don't like being tied down and unable to constantly scope out the next big thing. Like tonight I went to Darby with Adrian and Zach (I'm a leeeeeeettle bit drunk) and HOLY FUCK THERE WERE SOME HOT MEN THERE. Last time I went some drunk girl from Seattle made out with me in the bathroom, remember that? HEY, the Pips are on tv and one of them used to be my Dad's next door neighbor in Detroit but ANYWAY yes, hot men. Hot hot hot men. Long haired men and skinny men and chubby men and men with beards and tall men and short men and I really, really like men. I like Matt the best, of course, he is tall and cute and freckly and messy-haired and green eyed and amazing but FUCK THERE WERE SOME HOT MEN THERE. And goddamnit all if there wasn't one tiny moment when I halfway wished I was still single so I could take my pick but yes, I love Matt. I love Matt I love Matt I love MATT but I miss the whole excitement of having something new and strange and thrilling. But right now Matt is asleep in our OUR bed and I love him so much that sometimes my chest hurts. So. I just look. No touching.

2:00 a.m. - 2007-12-20

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