mainsqueeze's Diaryland Diary

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Daylight and Delight

10:57 at night. I fell asleep on Mom's comfy chair earlier tonight and slept for two hours. This means that right now, I am sucking down a giant cup of coffee so I can keep my eyes open long enough to get a few things done before I collapse in a headachey little heap on my bed. I have to study. Study study study. I will now confess something embarrassing: I am not pleased with my performance at school so far. My grades are not awful-- all B's-- but I just have not been able to focus. This seems to be an ongoing issue in my life. When I started school last month, I was so motivated and determined not to take for granted this second chance to try out a new life, but my energy has flagged significantly since then. Maybe it is because for the first time in years I have extra time left over at the end of most days-- like if you give somebody who has always been very poor a check for a thousand dollars, maybe they spend it on new shoes and books and cds and dinners and not the credit card bill that they should pay off. Focus. Focus. Focus.
I don't know if I wrote about this in here, but since I have been sleeping so much better this past month, I have started remembering my dreams again. Is it strange to be so very excited about this?
On Tuesday afternoon I was walking from one class to another with my headphones on, watching all of the people going through their weekly routines. It was sunny and warm but not hot and the music was perfect and the world looked clean, it felt clean and okay. Good, even. So I fell back in love with it a little bit this week.

10:59 p.m. - 2010-02-17

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