mainsqueeze's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Radio Heart I am happy to be too busy to think. Mood hasn't been great lately. The other day Mike from work told me that I needed to take my heart off my sleeve. I guess what he meant by that was that he could see, just from looking at this face, that something was bothering me. I don't want to take my heart off of my sleeve. I just want it to maybe be a little bit harder. Met a boy a couple months back. Well, you know, "met." And I wonder, now, what it is about me that makes me so unable to live and function in THIS world that I have to create my own, a perfect and soft place in my mind where it is normal to care for people just because it feels like the right thing to do, where the heat of the girl I am isn't scary or intimidating. I do not want to change. I do not want to be cold, I do not want all of my magic to go away, but I do not want to scare the whole world away from me anymore. I worry that everything I perceive is imaginary. I worry that I give things meaning when they should not mean anything at all. And I worry, also, that other people, everyone else, they don't find that meaning anywhere, ever, and I am alone in this whole big mess and that that is just the way it is going to be. 2:10 p.m. - 2010-03-17 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||