mainsqueeze's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 99 Days Today is a day that feels a little bit bigger, a little bit more important than yesterday. I broke one-hundred days. What I mean is that in ninety-nine days, give or take, I will be somebody's mother. Ninety-nine days seems like such a short time-- I guess it is how apparently, items are priced in numbers ending in .99 because it seems significantly less than an even dollar amount...? Maybe? I don't remember (or care, honestly) where I saw that, but it feels true in this case. Less than a hundred days until my boy is here. I am starting to get scared. First, I have his birth to deal with-- how much will it hurt? How badly will my body be damaged? Will I be sliced open? Will my skin tear like paper? I am trying to prepare myself for that physically and emotionally, but the fact of the matter is that this previously pampered part of my body that has so far brought me nothing but giggles is going to be used for an entirely different purpose that is going to hurt like a sonofabitch. And that may be natural, but it is scary. After he is born, I get to worry about keeping him alive until he is old enough to take care of himself. I will wish that his soft spot would close already and hope that he walks and talks on the right timeline. I will eat vegetables and make dramatically ecstatic yum noises so that he doesn't grow up to hate anything green. I will make sure the dogs do not trample him in the mad rush to climb into my lap. Lastly, I have to make sure that he becomes a good person. I don't know how to make sure of that, but I know that it is important and that I have to figure it out. That is terrifying on its own. Ninety-nine days to come up with a plan. 7:28 p.m. - 2011-02-28 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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