mainsqueeze's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 90 Days Ninety days. Seems like every day that passes, I discover a new reason to be terrified about my impending parenthood. If I am not obsessing over ways to prevent my vagina from tearing (seriously, it would scare the shit out of you, too) I am thinking about the kind of woman I need to be to raise a great kid. There really isn't room for much else in my head these days. Earlier today, Chris and I watched "The Corporation," and so my current concern is how to protect my son from, um, the world, honestly. The big, sometimes crappy, scary, greedy world. I don't want him to be just this little future consumer that companies market to. I don't want him to have to doubt the world around him because it is so full of liars. I feel like myself and most of the people I know have allowed ourselves to be jerked around, brainwashed into thinking we "need" this or that, tricked into working and working and working so we can buy shitty overpriced products that are so unnecessary that it is almost laughable. I have spent so much money on fucking makeup that I could supply eye shadow to the cast of "Toddlers & Tiaras" for a year... and I can't even remember the last time I actually WORE makeup. And I am not half as bad as my Mother, who shops LITERALLY every day. She gets bored, she shops. This baby, her first grandchild, has had a larger wardrobe than both of his parents combined since he was a fetus the size of a potato. I just want him to be able to prioritize so that he can keep as much of his own time as he wants to without having to sell more and more of himself to support his consumption. WOAH. See? Worrying. I guess have time to teach him these things. I look at where I am in my life... I own a home, a car, a complete houseful of furniture, and I work at a job I HATE to pay for it all. Each week, I sell 60 hours of my life to people that could not care less whether I live or die and I don't want my kids to do that, ever. It isn't worth it. I am hoping that I will get that through my own head sometime soon, too 12:31 a.m. - 2011-03-09 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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