mainsqueeze's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 42 Days The time is really speeding by now. Every night in bed, I ask Chris if he knows how many days we have left until the baby is here. Last night, the answer was 42. That is not a nerd joke. It is actually the number of days we have left until June 7th is here. Deep, deep secret: I wonder if I have done the right thing. I mean, I wonder if this is all too soon and if I am going to regret my decision to have a child, if I am going to miss my old life too much. I wonder if my son will lie awake and cry and cry all the time and if I will still love him when he is making me crazy at 3am. Are Chris and I really going to be happy together forever? Will my sex drive ever come back and be as interesting as it used to be? Is breastfeeding going to fuck my body beyond all recognition? So many things on my mind. A few of my friends are not loving me right now because my brain is just... elsewhere. Zach and Crystal are not feeling loved and it isn't because I don't care, it is just because I am trying so hard to prepare myself for this life that is going to happen any day now but I don't know what that life looks like or what I need to do so I am just trying to do everything. I want to sit and listen to music and not have to think about these things for the rest of the month. That is only a couple of days, I guess, but I would take it in a second. 12:02 p.m. - 2011-04-26 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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